How it is seen from 40 towards 20... Introspection with/without direction…

 •  Posted in: Kogaionon Articles

Few days ago I was speaking about a subject as interesting as confusing… I don’t know if this is so for me or the ones I was speaking with, but the discussion was gravitating around “today’s youth”… and I woke up at 41, to take defense of the 18-20 years old ones, youth that still doesn’t know what to do… at least that’s what they ardently discussed about. As my former colleagues seemed more responsible and wiser than me (they seemed to have control for the first time ever), I decided to be different and listen to their arguments until the end …meaning farewell to my natural vehemence, to my overflowing power of contradicting and supporting to the end my ideas, to putting out of joint the nose of the ones who would have the courage to contradict or entirely disagree with me … If it did me good or not, this I wouldn’t know… I shall see what’s going to be now or in the next life… But I drew some conclusions, all from 40 towards 20… Maybe I will have the patience and chance to look from 20 towards 40…

- I understood that the conflict between generations was, is and will be eternal, that some speak a language and other another, that those born earlier than others are more entitled to believe they know everything… even though, most of the time, they don’t realize they end up “anchored” in a world that hasn’t been theirs for a long time… and they should actually be the ones changing… or to accept the idea some can change… I remember how my parents told me 20 years ago how twisted the world is, how in their times there were girl and boy schools, that if they saw a teacher on the sidewalk, they had to cross the street, that shame and gut had other expressions… and my generation forgot what respect, education, the 7 years are… the same copy-paste keeps being actual even nowadays…

- I understood that if you were born later than the others, you are, no matter what, an “unripe” child who doesn’t know how this rough life should be taken… that you must be your parents’ “toy” until you get to leave the nest… but also assessment reference of the teacher born overnight a parent… or parent ending up teacher…

- I understood that parents must handle your education the best way possible, sacrificing their own aspirations, childhood dreams (if there were any), to give up many things (even themselves) for your evolution and development… to instill power and enhance yourself, so you can achieve your parents’ dissatisfactions as well… they getting your joy’s enjoyment… that must be related to the system in which you have to show you “succeed”…

- I understood that you’ll lose sooner or later teen age’s folly, but it will surely happen next to the ones walking in the same shoes… because if it won’t be so, you won’t be considered responsible, mature and in line with the age you reached… and if you won’t perform in the standard and classic landmarks on a professional, material or sentimental line, you’re obviously “unfulfilled”… misunderstood… just right for the pity of the ones who take life in stride…

- I understood that if you aim to be like the others, you can easily do it… the surrounding pushes and throws you in these standard landmarks… but if you forget to be yourself, the one who feels like that’s the way he wants to feel anything, you enjoy in vain living the moment… it’s just perception, not reality… no matter the age, it’s not a shame to be too young or too old… these sequential and independent landmarks get to guide your life, to manipulate it, you get to live through it and not it through you…

- that at 40, nonconformism is your ally only through spirit… in society, it can be your biggest enemy, next to the fear of seeing yourself, stripped down of prejudices, excuses and explanations… and maybe there’s the reason why tending towards 20 might be a form of frustration, incapacity, of “Paradise Lost”… as if Milton would go hard on you to read his work at a certain age…

- I understood that in order to have a child you need courage, responsibility and taking life with all related consequences… that’s why it’s better to be mature first of all for this, to make a purpose, a home, a family, a stable financial situation and then the child… even though, later, you might realize this 20 years difference (generic one) between the parent-child is only a constant that translates itself, but quite abruptly once you progress with age, if the system leads you…

- I understood that, also from 40 towards 20, if you don’t have a child, you can’t find your purpose in life… it sounds like a religion, an axiom, a classical way of following steps you must make even if you don’t feel like it… but that offers you advantages, balances and pertinent socializations in a model society of the third millennia… even though I knew free and fulfilled souls without we wouldn’t make any of the steps I’ve mentioned so far…

Therefore, I understood many things and I realize I have nothing to do with such evaluations, conclusions, prejudices... Each must do whatever they feel like, whatever they can feel and wish to feel… And the compromises he/she makes before society must be accepted first of all by themselves, to be aware of the fact he did it and had to do so, one way or another… but not as a sacrifice, for something inside him dies then… and a whole that isn’t whole no more can’t complete anything, anyhow, anymore, anywhere… it can only stick together with scotch glue or nail polish a semi obscure but false inner mirror, maybe restore the shape of a broken elephant used as porcelain trinket applied on a latent weave abandoned by feelings and hopes… or to resonate with a myth of the cave based on shadows and perceptions, on shapes and not on substance…

I delude myself by believing age doesn’t create these faults… but rather egoism, prejudice, useless sacrifice and breaking away from what each of us should be, at least at a certain moment, in the so called bell of Gauss… maybe some haven’t identified it so far… other enjoy the fact they’ve seen, heard, felt, lived it… and there are still somewhere, on a shelf, in an album of memories of other times… and there are also the unbalanced, not integrated ones, the clowns, who keep living their madness in the most honest and unconditional way, actually the madness of remaining a child, of enjoying childhood, far away from a world that seems to feel good in this thousand year-like shape, well structured on imposed and not lived landmarks, on accepted, but not conquered landmarks…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

December 29 2011