Why isn’t yesterday the same as today…

 •  Posted in: Kogaionon Editorials

Why isn't yesterday the same as today…

I haven't written in a while now…I have done any writing for Kogaionon that is, because I've been busy with statements, interviews and all that. I have been recently told that that it looks like I have abandoned Kogaionon, I don't write reviews anymore, I don't bring up the Metal scene, I don't even talk to myself (public). To the outside world it might seem I have abandoned this project, that even if barely used, seemed to bring some satisfaction to some, I don't want to go so far as to say it actually matter. Anyway, it was a nice feeling but I also got worrisome of how indolent and inattentive I have become towards things I only seem to notice. That's what my mother used to tell me when I was young, back then I used to live in my world and I was completely absent from what was going on in the world and I would only pat attention to the gentle or high pitched screams that would summon me to the table for example. I don't know if today I'm any different but I know it's annoying when I call my Stefan and he doesn't hear me, even if he is standing right beside me, but he's busy with other activities. Or when we are both called to the table, and we both have something to do, we both have something to finish. Somehow we end up waiting one upon the other to see who will be the first to make a move…but time passes by quickly and the meal is getting cold. I have been asking myself: why don't I react the same when I'm at the restaurant? Maybe I continue to be the same as when I was a small child. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was the youngest child. Some people commented that this behavior is characteristic of an only child, one that has been pampered throughout his life. Apparently everybody's favorite sport today is to catalogue, throw into categories and guess around. What can you do?

Let me go back to Kogaionon, I know last year I promised to write an editorial every month, and I kept my promise, the thing when I almost got to the finish line I started feeling pressured by my own ideas and promises and maybe that's why this year I haven't written anything. I think I wrote 1 or 2 reviews and that's it. It's also true that beautiful music did manage to push me to do so. Now, I already have three albums that are filling up my time and maybe that's why I find myself facing the laptop right now. I full heartedly recommend you to listen to the new DEAD CAN DANCE, MONO and HEXVESSEL because they are album of immense beauty.

I really wanted to write en detail about the musical directions of this period and the souls gravitating around this "syndrome". Or maybe just share my point of view… It's pretty clear who I'm addressing here - I'm addressing the people who aren't bothered by the what they hear and they aren't drawing a line. And this rant of mine goes out towards bands, fans, labels, organizers and press. I could very simply separate MUSIC: the one that represents a business and the one that doesn't, but I consider that to be a mistake, because there's good quality music that sells but also bad quality music that sells, the exact same way there's perfectly good music out there that doesn't interest many and uninspired music that will remain in the mediocre underground.

Why is today any different from yesterday? Nevertheless yesterday wasn't the same as the day before that, if we are to make references to the current system of values. Yesterday and the day before that aren't so different from one another actually, but compared with today, one can sense a deep change. Anyway everything is following the same path - as yesterday was today and tomorrow will become in time a yesterday, it's all up to us to choose the manner in which we look at things, from what angle and from which distance. We just have to find the stop in which our inner Gauss bell will resonate at full speed with our inner transgressions which will open up our auditory senses in the most absorbent and comfortable mode possible.

Still, why isn't today the same as yesterday?

Because technology evolves, the world is changing, the influences are different and so are the mundane worries and our expectations…In the past, the whole act of playing a vinyl constituted an entire ritual, first you had to set the speed (33 or 45), then you had to take your glass of scotch or wine, sometimes coffee and then you used to lay down in your armchair savoring your peace and quiet and maybe a little egotistically… your own terrestrial happiness, so one could step slowly and gently onto others…These are the times of our parents and grandparents, about which we've heard and maybe even experienced fist hand a little bit, but mostly memory will play tricks on us making us thinking we remember what we liked and what we believed happen. Is it possible that the virtual substitute could replace the vintage remains imprinted on our memory?

Today, everything comes at a tremendous speed in a race where everybody runs in different directions, because this is the only way we ever hope to catch something, to enjoy anything. Actually we reached a point where we enjoy the fact that we actually caught something, even if eventually that will be put to rest in the closet of forgotten things. Or maybe we end up changing things or selling them sooner than we would like. The only point remains that we need to catch something in order to not feel totally empty and devoid of meaning in this life. The fact is that we have learned to be possessive, to add as much as we can around us even things we don't actually need now, but we might need sometimes in the future or not. It's a fashionable thing to do anyway, that's the way others do it. Or maybe the communist years have just transformed us in the trash cans of our own dreams and expectations. We put these aspects out of our mind, we only concentrate on getting "stuff" when we need them. That's why since we're little we want to have our own toys, our own friends who have to play only for us (or for us), then our own music, our own jobs, our own husbands and wives, our own families, our own houses, our own lands and even our own crypts. Above all we need our own memories and feelings. But maybe we really do need them, we need them to give us a sense and utility to the things we possess, the only problem is that we're easily bored and that the current offer is pretty tempting and will change in a brink of an eye. It's also pretty easy to get your hands on anything you want, with your money or the bank's money and that's how we make an image of ourselves, in the shadow of our ignorance. The real life becomes actually a "virtual" one, puzzling in terms of feelings and full of use(less) expectations. It's not even our life anymore, but these are times when nothing is same as it was, so we'd better get used to it, we have no other choice apparently.

But let me go back to my own things. Actually I started writing thins thinking that last year, around this time I wrote an extremely long Editorial, like I was preparing myself for DBE 3. I will attach the link to the piece at the end of this Editorial. There's probably something happening inside of me if I decided to write to myself. It' s probably due to the fact that I found the time to spent with myself, because up until now I have been talking about different issues, but I realized that even business is not solely based on talk but on written words as well. Overall the point is that after talking to myself in the last months, I have decided to make some drastic changes in my life and this doesn't mean I'm not preoccupied and slightly frighten of what's coming…I'm not actually afraid of what I am about to do, but of the fact that people dear to my heart depend on me and implicitly I depend on their piece of mind and joy. I wouldn't want to create (more) suffering, false hopes and vain promises, provided that I will be honest and vertical with myself. I'm prone to think that I will come to know the aroma of fulfillment sooner or later. Because up until now as wishes kept piling up, I ran off by myself, and achieved them nevertheless. After which I was savoring my small or big victories from down here or up there, but I did it satisfied with myself and proud, in silence but triumphant, accompanied by rich and loud celebrations. I finally realized this continuous copy-paste must end or to keep going to exist (as its probably part of our physic and palpabil ecosystem) but not as a landmark for feelings, hopes and motivation. I continue to struggle to stop using terms I have stopped believing so passionately in as I did a while ago: "the best", "special", "unique", "exclusivist" and the list could go on. I don't mind if other use the terms and I don't even try to correct them and I think that's a good thing. This "therapy" probably stemed from the fact that certain changes have started happening in me (or so I like believe) because I felt that, the way I used to live until now, I knew glory but I did not know beauty, I knew acknowledgment but not inner peace, I knew praise but not detachment and finally I knew passion but not piece. I don't regret what I did so far, I did them because I felt I should do them and I'm glad I did. It's just that apparently something has changed and I feel its time I devote my time to other searches, not exactly palpable, measurable or temporal.

After 20 years of heavily breathing SMART and SWOT concepts, I had to pass 40 years to realize that now, my meaning needs to know other feelings as well, unquantifiable in this system of values… and I say this humbly and gladly, for this is what I feel and I will do… Well, nobody knows if what tomorrow brings and what yesterday was stays in our minds only because we want it to stay… it's like in the phrase with: life is made up of the days you remember, not of the days that passed.

Strange or not, I feel the adviser in me, the fighter and manipulator of ideas, doctrines, visions, has to draw back, to atrophy… maybe not suddenly, it will take him time to enter his cocoon… this inertia, oh! But if that's how it has to be, it shall be… And I'm saying this reconciled and without any kind of nostalgia… maybe just smiling at the old fierceness with which I fought on the ramparts of imaginary fortresses… it's good, it's bad… Anyway, qed? I don't know…

And still, I realize I didn't start writing all of a sudden… last night, returning home, quite tired, I tried to sleep… but I wasn't feeling sleepy… I finished promoting my interview with Edmond and I was trying to find my inner cadence through which I'd calm down. I remember that a couple of dozens of pages were waiting for me from a book about you'll find all the details at DBE 4… And I told myself to instantly start discovering it, to know that I'm checking another curiosity… I read 3-4 pages, but fatigue defeated me… I went to bed with a phrase that kept resonating in my mind:

"I realize it's way harder to take a ghost's life than a human's"… this halving and dual game didn't really leave me sleep, giving me towards twilight different dreams… not to say odd ones…

I woke up very early, put in my headphones the new HEXVESSEL and I proposed to continue the book, for there, that man with iron mask and wooden legs seemed to walk me through different worlds, now being somewhere in the morbid "nifelheim" of his own inner seeking…

And this is how I came across other lines that say nothing new but, somehow pushed hard one of my nerves in the box covered yet with skin…

"Love is the only tool that can lead to crimes in sidereal spaces with funerals in terrestrial areas"…

Love-crime-funeral… this scenario is somewhat familiar… but from now on I am revolving in a good piece of odd words, articulated in an unknown manner, offering me a confusing, but exciting view:"buried in a cardboard box", "storage of dead", "greeted by flies", "the neutralization of souls"… and, maybe rhetorically, a simple expression that won't give me peace from now on:"I am not null, I am extra"…

But in order to exit these pages' mirage, to leave the book aside, I might read it afterwards, for I feel I need to do something else… I don't know exactly what, but the text I've read a little earlier throws me into a state I don't know if I'm ready to live (again) right now, when I see that the sun decided to show me that nothing's permanent, except its apparition's cyclicality…

I say I'll speak of music, so I started my story… so I should follow this red, but somehow invisible red line…

Let me begin with the bands… I could eternally debate the dilemma or reality/semantics between musician and performer… but I don't know if this would solve something… It's clear that, on this earth, some are born with talent, others not… it's clear that there are some who are talented in copying others, do it even better, both "oratorically" and as image approach or communication. There are others who don't copy or have no talent, only the talent troubles them… I don't know if it's good or bad, because nowadays Plato's Republic is of great actuality and maybe it was like this since it was written… we like shadows, perceptions, open and described directions, but by others… and if we want to experiment, we lose our patience right before starting… or we experiment on a joke level, for fun… the facility and proximity transform a branch of art from something sacred into something immediately merged, even vandalized that still, stays on its feet, but only seen from the outside. The rush to be known, appreciated, the joy of seeing other's glory make us run like crazy inside us, to obtain at least a bit of what others have… and this way, we forget music comes from inside us… it would be beautiful to wish to correctly decant imagination, inspiration and the environment's influences in a pragmatic way and conceive art in harmony with these, not dominated or blinded by one of these directions… maybe there are more, surely there are, but this wasn't my thought's meaning.

Good thing there is, in minority, that's true, creators of sounds on stall that give us the right to believe in the beauty of musical expression!

The fans or the public are another important segment of this movement called music… Many of the few who listened to music with intensity want to see concerts especially with favorite bands, usually big ones, those that resonated on the same time of Gauss's bell inside each of us. And here we have 2 great categories, one that got over 30-35 years and a younger one, each with their own expectations, feelings or lived nostalgias… And I was surprised to see the enthusiasm from OST, when thousands of people came to see only their favorite bands… good they came, less good they weren't interested in other bands, of those who played in opening… most of them played in front of 20-50 people, but maybe it's good for their CV and surely every similar invitation has to be honored. From my point of view, I find this nonsense, for there is no harmony, no festival concept, only headliners and filling, so there would be a festival… Anyway… As I used to say, even though the technology invasion brought with itself an explosion of bands, musical styles, albums, we give up even the idea of going… we get to be interested in only what we know, we raise our eyes and blink more often if we hear that ANATHEMA or MDB release a new album and, randomly or in short term, we find out there are cool new bands, interesting ones that might stir up our interest, if we want to. Otherwise, daily problems consume a life we consume, but don't live, we swallow it but we don't digest it, we have it but it's not ours… I believe in the young generation… it is, in fact, their time, to live, to discover, to promote and move mountains with their energies and wishes typical to their age, concerning the music scene… the relay is given over, with or without our will…

Record labels are close to the abyss… technology caught them all out of phase, they try through financially logical constraints, but illogical for these times to control business, they restrict their band portfolio, focus on only the most famous ones and, from case to case, add new names only if the cost isn't significant. They want to survive, as it is natural, but, if they don't have a long or medium term maintaining strategy, together with solid budgets, it's hard to see the light… although there are visionaries and some hit the jackpot with small bands that make it big quickly… like the football players' case from small teams who, through serious contracts, overnight, seal the deal. When you don't have any budgets left, you can even be a big label, have the best strategy and vision, and you close it… or, accept compromise and you diversify yourself foolishly, meaning you leave with money for bread and return from shopping with cucumbers… that's it!

Organizers… are more and more, more diversified… but also greedy, willing to take off events at zero, or to make profit, with or without sponsors… so much people would come, recognize the event's value, the bands' value… and that's why mostly all go where they come from, not necessarily certainties, but big chances to be a success: big bands, famous ones, appreciated and with many fans… This impatience and run after spectacular results in a short while might be functional only for some… you need, besides the folly of doing what you like, a dose of sadist pragmatism, to make a business out of this… And I'm glad some can make it, that's how it is supposed to be… especially if they leave their capital in this market and keep doing events… it means the scene is pulsating… and automatically fans honor with their presence the promoter's actions… Others, they don't understand and enter the event market because they have money and this segment sounds tempting, but without importing their peculiar know-how end up having financial deceptions… worse, in many cases, being led only by bills, make both bands and fans suffer… not to mention those untrustworthy people who promise much and do nothing, bringing great disservices, including lack of credibility to those who know how to do well and with dedication what they do. And there is one more category, those who make events because they feel like doing that, would be happy to get away on zero, it would be ideal to gain money, but on the first place stay quality and the intensity of experience. Sadly, they are the most volatile here, where the niche concept isn't supported and if you associate it with bigger concepts, let us say mainstream, they dilute or completely lose themselves in the thicket of ignorant crowds or impatience.

With music, like other beautiful bad habits that steal but also fill your existence, you can't play, negotiate, kid yourself by saying you have control… if you love it, you can't view it conditionally… Like Rebreanu said: "Love is not a bargain: I love you because you love me. Love is a certainty: I love you because I love you."

In this over twisted and disturbed market, we have the advantage that the brand (I like neither the name or the idea) still functions… therefore, we know and can chose, even sort between the bands, between record labels or organizers, because we know what and how each can do… we could sort also between fans, but it would sound slightly unfair towards what I think… because it is hard to explain though words, but these differences are known and respected, without filters. Of course there are exceptions on both sides, but deviations are small… Therefore, even though the market is filled with music and musical information and our free time is more and more limited, we still have the right sources to inform ourselves correctly and straight to the point, without losing too much time, if we want and feel like doing it. Everything depends on us and our level of interest/ignorance we allow to accept.

The press… if it's about a big band, an event with big bands, there's an immediate interest… everything is born again, becomes alive: abundant press releases, infinite press accreditations, immediately written album and concert chronicles in great detail, sometimes even with professional details… if it's about something less mediatized or known, you are glad to see a couple of photographers and, in the best case, a monosyllabic and poor event chronicle… that's why I can say our musical press is with one feet in the ground… there are some people, counted on one hand, who write from their own interest or pleasure… Otherwise, peace and quiet… and it's very painful, for if you don't seed anything, if you don't keep on planting something, you risk to transform everything into something arid, fade, without base, without color… maybe just shadows of shapes, those yet pale and without feelings…

My conclusion is that, once with time, we've changed, we've diminished our interest in introspection, in seeking, in discovering… we've become a fast-food nation in behavior, in manifestations, in deed and thinking, more applied towards proximity, convenience, superficiality, greater runners than athletes, but on an imaginary conveyor that doesn't even do good to our physical condition. It's clear that, emerging from a system that, in order to discover its value, we risk freedom, we became free but we risk losing the value… or at least the landmarks that would guide us outline or enlighten a healthy value system, correct and unaltered by cheap, mainstream modernism. And I'm referring here to those who knew communism with all its anxieties… The younger ones, who had the chance to not know on their own this aberrant dictatorial system have the chance and force to anchor vertically the new value system… even though, in the last 20 years, their parents, relatives didn't have the time and availability to tell them how this system would look like. In other words, everything is upside down due to the ignorance of those who could do something, to influence somehow, to change something… I was telling a friend in the last days: before we were free in spirit but totally restricted outside, now we have the freedom to do whatever we want, travel whenever we want, to listen, read, see whatever we want, but we remain stuck, stiff and resigned in the refusal to accept it's our time, our life, unconsciously and desperately pushing the pedal towards a better future, but viewed through the rear mirror of an already deformed future by the completely changed present.

There are only few days left until DBE 4, an event through which I breathe, live, love… actually, KRUNA and DBE seem to be the only motivations on events' plan with which I resonate and for which I've seen only one way in everything I did so far. The other events had their beautiful share intensely lived but which, at least for a while, seem to be meant to remain only simple memories, feelings…

It's true that this edition is an extremely complex one, compared to the previous ones… or a complicated one, at least to me… I won't hide I had many attempts of giving up, and not because of de fear of not being able to manage the event, but fear of this addiction of something what I created might turn me into a monster, into a brute who, in his wish for perfection, would step on anything and everything in order to achieve his goal… but, no matter how passionate, turned on and startled I was, I didn't lose the lucidity of realizing that was the great catastrophe that this might happen… My manic folly scared away many acquaintances or strangers, distanced them or even disappointed them… and me, in my belief, I told myself they are only collateral victims…

I see things differently, because I had the luck and joy of meeting and listen to Beautiful People, who respect normal, natural, simple, of good sense things. With some of them I had a chat and I wanted to put them "under the spotlight", for I believe good deeds and beautiful experiences can be shared with everyone, without being labeled as arrogant, stardom or bombastic ideas… With the rest I'm in touch for a while now, I only greet others, or we greet each other… but they exist… and this gives me a feeling of maximum content… I've met at events most of them, others were brought to me by faith… I really believe we can be better, more peaceful, more respectful… everything starts from us, if we feel that we want and believe we can do this… Yes, it might sound like childish pathetism, a stuffed blabber, exacerbated mitomanism… if it was perceived and understood as this, I am sorry, but I didn't want the assimilation of these pure thoughts to have anything to do with exaggeration or falsity, no matter how authentic or less it might look like…

I don't ask for wishes from DBE 4… but I would be greatly happy to see at the end honest smiles and the satisfaction of having lived a normal, beautiful weekend… We shall see what will happen… no matter how many we will be and from where we shall gather, we will live to the fullest those moments. I will come back with a specific press release soon.

But I know it is damn hard, in these times, to have money for a ride to …Alba Iulia, that you need at least a 100 euro budget, if you want to leave with a souvenir from there… And considering the number of concepts and festivals we have around here (which is good), you don't even know which to choose… or at how many you can afford to attend… Maybe that's why we announced and promoted the event from the beginning of the year, so the ones interested should make the estimations… I noticed in the last weeks there were people who cancelled their reservations… I am slightly sad they can't honor a wish they originally had… but I am sure that's how it was meant to be… on the other hand, I managed to help with housing everyone who requested help for the camping, I don't know if ten people were refused… for I don't want to create at RYMA overcrowding in the camping area, especially when there are only 2 showers for the 130 present people, so a minimum comfort would be needed. I hope everything will be alright and we will have no problems.

I'm receiving the DBE 4 shirts on Monday or Tuesday, they are limited edition and they won't be more expensive than 40 lei (euro increased like hell)… there will be a couple of girlies, red ones… and there will be, probably for the first and last time, some t-shirts with Kogaionon and Kruna, for those who identify themselves, one way or another, with these concepts… they won't cost more than 20 lei, for their printing is more simple and less expensive….

For this edition, the organizer team is an extensive one, having mostly "amazons", meaning girls, hah… Now that I really believe in matriarchy, I do not know what to say… I didn't pursue this but that's how it turned out… and I realized that when I jotted down on paper everyone's name… besides Lus and Bogdan, who manage the virtual and imagery of the events, the only man organizer thrown into the DBE 4 battle is Tica Losu… we shall see what shall happen, for we will be around 10 trying to cope with the 2-300 hundreds of souls we believe will be present in the RYMA spaces, on 16-17-18 th of August…

There would be much left to say, but I think it's better I stop here. I don't know when I will write again here, I don't know if I will ever organize something, but I know that if I will feel like doing it, I won't stop anything that shall be lived… for if you don't live what must be at the right time, you will never live…

Let us meet well at Alba Iulia, everyone who want and can arrive there... late summer has already entered its role, and it's time for a new Ritual!

PS. Here's the link with last year's Editorial, where, amongst others, told the story and roots of the Dark Bombastic Evening concept…

http://www.kogaionon.com/en/kogaionon-editorials/august-2011